sacrifices...

If you look closely, you can see the chicken by the left gate. Luke LOVES to chase chickens!

Isima found a new use for the M&M's tube!

Jolie loves shoes! She is a girl after my own heart!

Super cool Esther. This is her smiley face!

Everyday I’m here, I feel a little more at home. It becomes a little less foreign. Now, that’s not saying that I don’t still miss COLD tea, ice, Ziploc bags, Bunny bread, corn dogs, shorts, air conditioning, hot water, and my car! By no means am I that good! But the idea of living away from the place where I grew up and am proud to be from becomes a little more doable. A friend looked at me Monday and said “When it gets hard, you have to look at yourself and say why am I here?” That thought has resonated with me. Since then, when I whine about not being able to drink a Sam’s Super Burger tea I think, “Why are you here?” The reason I am here, is worth more than my car and independence. It’s worth more than my weekly tv show. It’s worth more than feelings of normalcy. I don’t know about you, but I got spoiled in my old day to day life. When I had fun plans, I could go buy a new shirt. Now I just wear whichever v-neck I happen to grab for the day (This blog really should be called Living Life One V-Neck To The Next). Or when a new movie came out, I could go with my Momma to see it, and buy popcorn, and buy an ICEE, and buy Sno-Caps…okay so maybe she bought all those things! Or when I wanted to spend time with the friends I cherish, I could get in my car and go to dinner with them or make a road trip to New Orleans. Rarely, was I ever limited in doing what I wanted to do.

I don’t say all that to make you feel guilty, please don’t think that. It’s just something I’ve been processing through. I am reading a book called Not A Fan. by Kyle Idleman. My Bible study group at Friendship Baptist Church is reading it, so I thought it would be neat to read it with them. It is rocking my world, thank you Bro. Teddie for choosing this book! In the second chapter, Idleman talks about the story of Nicodemus. Nicodemus comes to Jesus at night because he is too afraid/embarrassed to come to Him during the day when he might be seen by one of his religious co-workers. Nicodemus could have lost his job and his reputation would have been destroyed had his co-workers at the Sanhedrin found out about him going to see Jesus. Idleman says “Being a secret admirer of Jesus cost him nothing, but becoming a follower came with a high price tag. It always does.” See, I am convinced that although we haven’t all been called to live in a foreign country, we have all been called to live a life so in love with Christ that sacrifice is inevitable. It doesn’t look the same for you as it does for me. The movies we watch, the music we listen to, the words that we read and say, our actions to other people, and the way we carry ourselves all ought to matter and bear the resemblance of sacrifice. Because I know one thing for sure, I am not a super-human Christian force. If Jesus only asked some of us to make sacrifices, I’m pretty sure He would have skipped right over me and moved on to the next person! I whine way too much and I am way too stubborn! So I challenge you, to look at your life and see if you are making sacrifices. I know I will be. I have so many areas of my life that I simply don’t want to discuss with Jesus, because I know He is going to ask me to get rid of them. So together, let’s make a commitment to sacrifice where sacrifice needs to made. I am praying for you.

the real deal...

The real Michael Jackson!

Who knows if his name really is Micheal Jackson, but he sure is cute!

Tonight, while waiting for my ride, I met a new friend. He is one of the many street kids in Jinja. Little did my new friend know, but I had heard this morning that he had recently ran away from a ministry and they were asking that people not give him money in hopes that he would come back. So when he came up to me and asked for money, I quickly attempted to divert the conversation. I figured asking him what his name was would be safe. Wrong! This conversation is worth me replaying it for you.

Me: “What is your name?”

Him: “Michael Jackson”

Me: “Like the king of pop Michael Jackson?”

Him: “Yes!”

Me: “There is no way that is your real name!”

Him: “It is my name!”

Me: “Do you know famous people?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Justin Beiber?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Selena Gomez?”

Him: “Yes.”

Me: “Do they come visit you when they are in town?”

Him: “YES!”

Me: “I think you are crazy!”

After much giggling, and finding out that he didn’t know the Backstreet Boys or Britney Spears, he talked me into giving him 2,000 shillings (a little less than $1) to buy dinner from a man right down the street. As he was walking off, I yelled “I’m watching you! You better buy food!” He just laughed and said “I’m watching you!” Which I know is true! He’ll be watching for the crazy white lady who he can talk into giving him money. But, let’s be real, could you have said no to the real Michael Jackson!?

Today was the day that I have been waiting for…the day where I was completely dependent on Christ to take care of me. As I went throughout the day, I had so much confidence in the fact that He would provide me with a place to live and a place to serve. He gave me glimpses of both. I got offered a room at the home of a really neat, older lady who runs a restaurant here in town. I also got asked to consider helping in the home-schooling of some really cool kids of a young missionary who also lives and serves in Jinja. While both of these might work out, they could both not work out. And that’s okay, because planning my future isn’t my responsibility at the moment.

This evening, I thought about something I used to tell my middle schoolers all the time when I was teaching. Whenever one of my students would tell me how I should do something a different way or reprimand another student (With intentions to only help me of course!), I would always look at them and say “That is not in your job description. I’m the one getting paid for that…and it’s the big bucks too!” I could always feel, and a lot of times see, their eyeballs rolling at me with frustration. Little did I know, I would find myself in the same position with Christ several months down the road. He would be telling me, “That’s not in your job description. I already paid for that right…and it was with my life!” How life turns the tables on us!

Words from Jesus...

Chilling on a Sunday afternoon with my buddy Randy.

I keep forgetting to post house pictures so no one thinks I'm living in a hut! This is the Sonrise House for the

pre-school aged kids.

Musa trying to do some magic and make more M&M's appear in the container! No worries there is more where those came from! If you can't find mini M&M's in Mobile anymore it's because my Momma is buying them out for when she comes (Which isn't planned yet, but if you see her, you should tell her she should come soon! Haha!). She is going to have a trail of kids following her everywhere she goes!

Introducing Innocent to M&M's. Of course he loved them and kept digging the tube back out of my bag for more!

Pretty girl Julianna!

My buddy Randy had a fever and just wanted to sit in Auntie America's lap. 1. He does in fact call me Auntie America, his idea, not mine! 2. Have you ever seen a cuter sick kid?

I spent the night last night at another orphanage, Ekisa, with their volunteer girls who are super fun and so I could catch a ride to church with them. This morning I woke up and saw that there was a book by my bed, "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It is a day-by-day Bible study book written as if the words were straight from Jesus to the reader, so I grabbed it to read today's writing. I was not surprised at all to see what was written on today's page...

"Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy, even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting My promise to care for you."

You see, I know for a fact that those would be the words that Jesus would have chosen to say to me this morning. It's the words He's been saying to me for the past week while I have refused to uncurl my fingers that I had wound so tightly around my upcoming plans. All week I knew the Lord was asking "Are you going to trust me or not? Do you really think I won't take care of you? Be obedient to Me." So here I am again saying, "Yes! I will be obedient. Be my plan, my future. Take care of me." There is so much freedom in that. I can be honest in saying that it's a little easier to breath now. I'm not constantly blinking back the tears brought on by fear and frustration.

I know y'all are thinking, alright already, just trust Him and blog about something else! That's why I posted pictures of cute kids, it's my attempt to make up for all the back and forth about trusting Jesus to take care of me! I can't help it, I want to be open and be able to share my heart with you through this blog. I hope you don't mind!

I can't wait to see what Jesus does this week. I am optimistically looking for a place to live and place to serve. I know He will provide both of those and more!

Since coming to Jinja, I have gotten involved in a wonderful weekly Bible study. A couple of weeks ago, we spent a lot of time talking about pride and how it so easy to get sucked into having an arrogant attitude. The guy leading the discussion read the 15 Points of Humility by Mother Teresa to us and it is something that I am still pondering almost two weeks later. So of course, since I have been thinking about them so much, I want to drag you in with me! This is yet another reason why Mother Teresa continues to be one of the models for who I want to be in ministry.

15 Points of Humility

Mother Teresa

1. Speak as little as possible about yourself.

2. Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others.

3. Avoid curiosity.

4. Do not interfere in the affairs of others.

5. Accept small irritations with good humor.

6. Do not dwell on the faults of others.

7. Accept censures even if unmerited.

8. Give in to the will of others.

9. Accept insults and injuries.

10. Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded.

11. Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone.

12. Do not seek to be admired and loved.

13. Do not protect yourself behind your own dignity.

14. Give in, in discussions, even when you are right.

15. Choose always the more difficult task.

Thank you for your continued support. You will never know how thankful I am for you. It is overwhelming to know that I can ask for prayer and I know that many of you immediately lift me up to our Father. Today has been a really good day, and you have had a big part in that! I have had a peace that could only have come from the Holy Spirit. Thank you for being such amazing prayer warriors!

Fear...

By now, I think it is obvious that I have been in turmoil because of the lack of a plan after the end of next week. I panic and fear takes over. Fear of failure. Fear of this not looking like I thought it would. Both of these ultimately come from a crazy fear that the Lord will not take care of me. Then I remember the promises my Savior has made to me, through His word and through the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Then about the time my heart calms down, I am given another reminder that I don’t have a plan and then fear creeps in again. Then the whole reassurance process starts over again. I told a friend today that people keep telling me how brave I am. But it feels like a lie. I haven’t felt very brave in the last week. I have felt like such a slave to fear. But then I am reminded that I have been set free because of the love that our Savior had and still has for creation.

I have been called to a life of freedom through Christ. When I let fear rule my life, I am being disobedient. Obedience seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life this past year! When things do not go my way, I am quickly thrown into a tizzy, which quickly turns to fear. I am determined to break free of the chains of fear. I do not want to limit the work of God with my fears, fear of good things coming to an end, fear of the unknown, or fear of the cost of it all. It’s too selfish. God has brought me too far and taught me too much, for me to freak out and try to run when I get scared. So from here out, I am going to consciously make efforts to fight the chains of fear. Even fear of not having a plan. Because at the end of the day, I have nothing to fear anyway. My Savior is taking care of me. He has proven that time and time again. Beginning with the salvation that He so freely gave me.

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

1 Peter 1:8-9 The Message

More things to try and learn...

Just a normal night of no power in Jinja! My laptop coffee table, orange juice, and candles!

Got to spend the morning with Georgina and her beautiful hair!

Sweet new friends, Carol and Georgina.

Tracy and Calisti and their handy work!

Niregiri was so proud to be a part of the jack fruit experiment!

Not long after arriving in Uganda, I started seeing this massively oversized, funky textured, bright green fruit everywhere. Then when you cut it open, it's extremely sticky, is filled with thick tentacle looking things, and it's loaded with massive seeds. So needless to say, I was not anxiously awaiting a sample of this fruit! But, Tracy encouraged me to try jack fruit (It's official name of course!) in a safe environment. Next thing I know, Tracy and one of the boys who live at SCP (Street Child Project) are walking through the gate with a massive jack fruit! After much fun of watching the boys cut the jack fruit open and using paper to try and get rid of the sticky goop inside, the moment of truth came. Would I love it or hate it? I was more than a little overwhelmed at the interesting texture. It's a thick, slimy texture. The only thing that I can think of to compare the taste to is a mixture of banana laffy taffy and peaches. Unfortunately, I HATE banana laffy taffy! So even though, I won't be lugging home a giant jack fruit anytime soon, it was a fun event for all involved!

Today, I got to go and meet a sweet Ugandan couple who serve as missionaries in their own neighborhood. Charles and Carol are a young couple who are passionate about evangelism and education. Charles organizes fun events like soccer tournaments where the gospel is presented at the end of the tournament. Carol works for an organization that does incredible things with women who are need of an income. God is Grace is a year long program and is sponsored by women in the states. The Ugandan women who are chosen for this program are women who have been widowed or their husbands have abandoned them. Through this program, the women are taught a trade: sewing, bead-making, and hair styling are a few examples. My favorite thing about God is Grace is that they also have a program for women with AIDS. These women are educated on how to take care of themselves and their families and are also taught how to make beads and jewelry. Hanging out with Charles and Carol was also fun because they have two gorgeous little girls, who are 17 months old and one month old!

I am coming to a very interesting place in this journey. A definite unknown portion. My time with Sonrise ends at the end of this month and at this moment I am still not sure what comes next. It's a place in this journey that I really didn't think about beforehand. I just assumed that I would get here and the Lord would put all the pieces together in an obvious and easy manner. I don't know what I was thinking, because I don't know about you, but I never learn from an obvious and easy anything! I learn in the places where I panic and have to rely on my sovereign God. I have wondered lately if I will ever be able to say to God, "Oh, I really do get it this time! I can trust you to be the Planner!" Because my heart has been in an almost constant state of panic for the last few days. My head is constantly saying to my heart "Slow down. He's in control. This isn't your responsibility. Be obedient!" I am learning that it's different here. It's not a day by day choice to be obedient, it's an hour by hour choice to be obedient. I am learning how trust and obedience go hand in hand. It's a lesson that I know I will be thankful for later, even though it's a hard one to be in the midst of.

Good news...

Update on that sweet baby… Renee (the missionary who met us at the hospital yesterday) and a social worker from Serving His Children, went back to the hospital this morning to speak to the baby’s mother about taking part in their program. At Serving His Children, malnourished children are rehabilitated with a plan made according to the baby’s needs. The catch is that the baby has to have a caretaker stay with them throughout the entirety of the program. The caretaker goes to Bible study every morning and classes in the afternoon on how to prevent their child from getting in that situation again. So needless to say, Ms. June and I rejoiced in the Lord this morning for providing a place for this sweet one to be recuperated and to be given the chance to live a healthy lifestyle!

Please be in prayer that the Lord would continue to open doors and put me in situations to meet people. As you know, my time at Sonrise ends at the end of the month. I am, of course, struggling to control my panic as I watch the days go by and I still have nowhere to live! Now, I won’t be homeless of course, I will be living temporarily somewhere! So don’t lose sleep thinking I have to sleep in the street! But I would love to have a permanent for now place to call home.